Randy Prozac "The Descent Of Mr. Noodles" (2024)

Produced By Randy Prozac

A Popsicles First Tending

the morning was warm and everything was brightly colorful and perfect
johnny could hear the sound of a neighbor mowing their lawn and birds were chirping
a wonderful summer day except for the sounds of some mice caught in a glue trap
they were busy tearing their own skins off trying to escape
their agonized squeaking sounded like someone whistling a happy melody

johnny whistled along to the tune of the mice's screams with a smile on his face
this morning he was feeling quite cheerful, he had just started working as a paper boy today
he began packing his little red wagon full of newspapers
and walking down the sidewalk in the direction of his daily route

johnny was organizing his newspapers when he heard music approaching from behind
it was the mechanical music of an ice cream truck
the truck slowed down and parked next to him
he saw a man inside grinning at him

he rolled down the window and spoke to johnny
excuse me, have you seen my dog? his name is mr. noodles and he's so tiny
he is lost and i need to find him
he must be so frightened and alone.. can you help me find him? please?

i don't think so mister. i am working right now delivering my newspapers
oh please.. i'll give you a popsicle
or maybe... maybe you'd like an orange dreamsicle bar, hmm?
johnny loved the orange dreamsicle.. those were always his favorite
he figured there was no harm in helping the poor man locate his small puppy
so he climbed into the passenger seat of the ice cream truck and they drove off

johnny stared out the window and could see the colorful grass, flowers, trees
all of it began fading to a lack of colour.. dismal greys and faded greens
ugly browns and bacteria yellow.. an absence of life
where are we going, mister?
oh poor mr. noodles.. we're going to look for him. he must be around here somewhere
thanks for helping me look for him
hey, do you like music? i'm not just a popsicle man, i also make music! popsicle music!
what's popsicle music?
oh, it's a special kind of music that makes people happy!
here, i'll play some for you, listen..

The Alley Of Milk Carton Faces

that was weird, mister.. i don't think i like popsicle music
yes you do! all kids love popsicle music, here have another jolly rancher
let's go down this alley, maybe mr. noodles wandered off and got lost down there
oh i hope not.. poor mr. noodles! he'll be terrified! we have to save him!

it smells around here mister.. it smells like things that went bad.. why are there so many milk cartons everywhere?
this is the alley of milk carton faces.. this is the smell of their lacrimation.. don't you see the faces?
i don't see any faces, mister..
you will.. just wait.. they're around

there's one.. look carefully.. do you see it watching us?
mister can we leave? this place has gone bad
everything is coated with a layer of rot. mr. noodles wouldn't come here
how do you know where mr. noodles would go?! be quiet, look.. it sees you.. shh
what sees me?
the milk carton faces..

it was then that johnny did see the faces on the milk cartons and they were indeed staring at him
johnny.. pick up a milk carton and hold it.. what do you feel?
johnny held the milk carton in his hand and just then he felt his palm being licked by a tiny, wet tongue
it tickled and it fluttered.. he reacted with revulsion
he was so disgusted that he dropped the milk carton onto the road
when it came to a halt.. the face of an abducted child was staring at him

please mister, we have to leave.. this place has gone bad.. there's nothing here for us to find
yes there is! there's lots of things for us to find.. i have a fun idea!
how about you get out and close your eyes and run around haphazardly
i'll drive away and leave you here as a lookout for mr. noodles
no mister.. that's not a fun idea.. please, can we leave?
oh ok! you're no fun! here, have a strawberry shortcake icecream
how are we ever going to find mr. noodles?
he's so tiny and i know he's afraid

The Lesson Of The Box Of Statues

one of mr. noodles favorite things to do was to sit in a box and be completely silent
he would not move at all, not even a hair.. he would just sit there like a statue and have so much fun
when you sit in the box of statues you have everything!
would you like to sit in the box of statues? oh! it's so much fun!

no thank you mister, i just want to go home now
mr. noodles is not interested in your perceptions
he is not interested in learning anything from you or knowing anything from you
everything that is necessary is already there within the box of statues

when you look into the eyes of mr. noodles, all you will see is an ocean of shifting microexpressions
all his faces moving in conjuction, expressing, re-expressing, interpreting and reinterpreting
mixtures of feelings all coalescing.. he will cast spells and you won't realize it until later
you'll just think about mr. noodles and wonder if he was a witch.. was he? a little tiny one?
tiny maybe.. but a powerful one if he was ever able to overpower your powers!
and when you look down into mr. noodles eyes.. you'll see everything and you'll see nothing!

all the ''what if's?'' and cancelled timelines and obliterated futures
to all the decimated, to all the eradicated
to the place where only this decaying moment no longer exists
and then there's nothing left at all!
nothing except the glare of mr. noodles glistering so brightly
this is when the nothing becomes everything again!

and then the nothing becomes nothing again
this is the lesson of the box of statues
where every direction leads to the same place
and this is how we will find mr. noodles because he is right here
he is right here.. only in another place

did you say something?
no mister..

mr. noodles wants to study you and memorize everything inside of you
with deep penetration ablaze until all of you is known
all of you will never be forgotten, never ever and not ever!
he will never forget you and you will never forget you
because no one ever could.. for it's his benediction!
so i ask you why?? why wont you look into his eyes?
why wont you look into the eyes of mr. noodles???

but we don't know where mr. noodles is? how are we going to look into his eyes?
oh yeah.. where is mr. noodles?! he must be terrified!
what of he got stuck in the dorito bag and he's just laying there screaming?!
here, have a drumstick.. let's drive some more, we'll listen to more popsicle music

Behind The Shadows Of Walmart

can you turn the popsicle music down, mister?
it's starting to make me feel like i'm going to throw up
oh come on! all kids love popsicle music.. here, have a wonder-woman cool tube
let's look for mr. noodles behind the walmart, he might have ended up there searching for a dorito
oh, wouldnt it be wonderful if he was behind the walmart? come on let's go look

together they walked through the shadows of the walmart parking lot
the ice cream jingle was fading with the sun into the darkness
soon they found themselves deep in the heart of the shadows behind walmart
it was so dark and cold here.. he thought to himself
how would we find mr. noodles even if he was here?

mr. noodles are you here?
i don't hear anything mister.. i don't think mr. noodles is here
you don't know how to hear him.. his voice is very tiny.. it's so tiny
he could be screaming for help and most people would never be able to hear him at all!

sometimes mr. noodles likes to be in the moonlight where he can metamorphosize
he likes to throw himself around in the darkness and feel the madness of being outside with his body
ohh! mr. noodles was dancing his little legs off did you see him??
no.. where is he?
i don't know.. where is he?? mr. noodles!!

mr. noodles likes to sit between my legs and stand up real tall and proud and beg to be stroked
and when that happens he starts drooling and quoting from the talmud
look over there.. what's that?!

they both turned to look and saw something glowing in the corner, a black cube made of stone
carved into it was a symbol.. a sphere within a triangle and three chevrons
a soft glow surrounded the cube which was now a sphere
vapors that were black like sackcloth swarmed around the sphere as if it were a living thing
living fabric made of soot, folding inward upon itself, over and over
looking at it caused johnny's eyes to fill with black light, he was compelled to approach the sphere
his feet stepped forward on their own.. even though he resisted, it made no difference

as he approached the sphere.. it became a cube again
johnny felt like he was walking backwards into a strobe light
everything was flashing out of sequence
sometimes one step would be forward, sometimes backwards

doubling and tripling flashes causing absolute disorientation
he felt like each of his eyes were in different heads
the darkness inverted into a deeper darkness with shades of blackened green then nothing
he felt as if he were sinking into the ground while simultaneously floating above himself

look over there!! it's a half eaten dorito! mr. noodles was here! he was here!
i can't move mister.. i think i am gonna pass out
no you're not! you just need a sour wiggler.. here, have two.. one for each hemisphere
hurry.. we have to get back to the truck.. mr. noodles can't be far!
get away from that thing, you're not supposed to know it
you're not a philosopher, come on.. follow me

as they got back inside the icecream truck
the last remaining streak of red disappeared from the horizon
the symbols on the sphere were still imprinted on johnny's retinas
and he saw them wherever he looked
he saw them on people, on buildings, on sidewalks, everywhere
it was as if the symbols were there all along and always had been

Neuronal Lollipops Automatic Foam

here.. have another orange cream bar, i can see you're feeling weird
so, instead of popsicle music, i am going to play you some creamsicle music!
how about that? yeah! that will help make you feel better

pretty good hey? ok.. we have to check in at the studio for a few minutes
the deep freezes need replenishing and you can meet my buddy!
he helps make popsicle music, he is a producer of sorts.. you'll like him, he's a cool dude
hold on.. he's gotta let us in..

what's the password?
uh.. don't drop the soap
what else?
um.. promese... prome.. promession emerald wizard?

promession? haha! wtf is that?
you're fuckin' stupid, you know that?
get it right for fucks sake or i'm going back to beatin' my meat
and you can stand out there until you get enriched!

uh.. promethean emerald tablet

where'd you get the kid? you better not be ringing up more debt on that credit card
this is johnny.. he's helping me find mr. noodles
we came here to reload the truck and i wanted johnny to see how popsicle music is made

uh, don't listen to him kid, he's taken more acid in his life than that CIA project "woodstock"
if he starts talking about the faggot dog, don't believe a word he says.. it isnt him talking it's the CIA
popsicle music is fuckin' garbage but it's what sells to the shitheads these days
plus, it's been mandated by the government MAiD program for use in the sarco pods, so it's what we gotta do
but listen to this, kid, i wrote this last night, this is the real shit!

i'm a rich white anti capitalist
i stand up for the natives but i don't give a shit
got money in the bank but i pretend to be poor
i'm the white savior, i go slumming in the sewer

i hate white people, i hate myself too
i'll redirect my self loathing onto you
i blame it on the whites but i wont name the jew
i blame it on the whites but i wont name the jew

i'm a rich white anti capitalist
i stand up for the natives but i don't give a shit
latest iphone in my hand and i love reddit

ok, ok! thats enough..

anyway.. we're setting him up for the next album since that dogshit "happy puppies dancing" album didnt pan out
yeah i know.. the "happy puppies dancing" album failed.. that's because we took way too much acid during that one
mr. noodles was freaking out and seeing everything in microscopic triplicate

yeah, it was a miracle he could even play the synthesizers because they were totally melting into electronic spaghetti
i could barely sing the songs because the microphone wouldn't stop wiggling! the microphone had a foreskin!
my brain was like a bag of english licorice in a microwave! but yeah it flopped
i blame the CIA for that because they didnt give it much of a push, they didn't promote the record at all

that album sucked and you were way too high to be anywhere near a recording studio
your eyes were black holes and you fucked the whole thing up
it was supposed to be for disney+ kids shows normalizing pedophilia
but instead you made it all about that faggot dog and it was completely unworkable!
not one teacher's union or school board would buy that shit, not one! not even the public libraries wanted it!

that's why we're here! we're trying to find mr. noodles because he got lost again and we can't find him!
we thought maybe you might know where he went.. do you know where mr. noodles went?
i already told you, i gave your faggot dog to some betamax slut i was bangin years ago
last i heard, she threw him out the window of a highrise apartment.. after that who cares?

oh no! not mr. noodles!
eh, fuck mr. noodles.. just take more of that acid and you wont care when mr. noodles gets run over by a lawnmower
mr. noodles is gone?
no! mr. noodles is not gone! outrage! outrage!

kid, you gotta understand just how much LSD this guy has in his system
massive megadoses.. apollo astronaut level.. enough to truly believe you're on the fuckin' moon walking around
the fact that he can even keep his shit together at this level is why he was chosen for the project

i'll try to explain.. the ears and brain don't detect popsicle music outright.. only in a superficial way
however, the central nervous system subconsciously responds and this is how we achieve deep penetration
the mk is baked directly into the frequencies for maximum social engineering and it's completely invisible!
it is like the music itself is wearing a secondary electromagnetic skin
a pharmaceutical frequency sac that's able to embed onto the spinal cords electrical signals

once it's there it becomes unremovable and a radical tranceformation has occurred
the general population doesn't know what's happening.. and it doesn't even know that it doesn't even know
i work in biotech for the black labs designing auto-immune diseases to sell to the pharmaceutical corporations.. it's big money!
popsicle music has a lot of backing from the jew bankers and the tavistock institute, so it's gotta be top notch!
we've got different genres of popsicle music for numerous demographics
joggers, teachers, pedo's, antifa.. you name it we got it covered
check it out, here's one we're working on right now.. this one was sanctioned by netflix and darpa
it will be used in numerous children's programming to help loosen up their neurons for the groomers

wasn't that fun, johnny? ok.. we better hit the road and keep searching for mr. noodles
here, have some popsicle scribblers, i know those are among your favorites
and then they drove back into the night under the oppressive light of the full moon

Wild Treats Of The Dessert

ok.. i feel like i am gonna freak out so let's listen to the radio for a while
mister, i don't like this guy.. can we have more creamsicle music instead?
oh yeah! creamsicle music.. we haven't had much of that tonight! good idea!

once we find mr. noodles then everything will be better
not just for us and not just for him but for everyone in the entire world
finding him will be a miracle.. wait! look there! do you see a light upon that black rock?

the trucked screeched to a halt as they got out to believe their lying eyes
it is real and it sees me! we must climb to the lofty peak!
mr. noodles! he could be there all alone in the dark night freezing in the horror of the shadows
there.. again! did you see a blazing star shining down from the top of the black rock?
i just know it's him.. hurry, we must ascend the black rock now!

but i didn't see anything mister
don't say it! yes you did! his house is there, it is causing light!
he is calling to us.. .. here, have some jawbreakers
narrow your eyes to look closer.. do you see the light shining from the black sun?
maybe..
yes! now follow me and together we'll find the path

as they travelled into the inpenetrable blackness, the world they knew was left behind
concealed in shades of grey and purple, not even moonlight would follow them here

follow me.. this path leads to the base of the black rock
it's very dark mister.. do you have a flashlight?
we don't need a flashlight.. it would scare mr. noodles, he would think it was hobgoblins
no.. we'll travel by the seething light of mr. noodles, that is enough, he can see where we're going

by the seething light of mr. noodles they continued their ascent towards the black rock
pausing from time to time, making sure they did not lose sight of the seething light
soon they would realize a great circular river stood in their way, the black rock stood in the center of the great rivers
the great river divided into four lesser rivers, only one of which they need dare to cross

let's walk some more.. i hear the sound of a flowing river.. do you hear it too?
yes, i do hear a river, will we have to cross the river?
we will.. but first we must rest, then we will cross the river
but do not lose sight of the seething light atop the black rock, do you still see it?

yes.. i see a light.. but is this a trick of the imagination?
no! it's mr. noodles! rest now and let's contemplate finding mr. noodles
there is a good spot on this plateau.. here we will set up our shelter
wait here while i gather wood for the fire

johnny waited in the darkness, he felt eyes watching him but saw nothing
but for a moment, deep in the shadows he saw points of shining bronze.. and then there was nothing again
he stood there shivering in the eternal shade wondering if this was destiny or chance
the points of bronze were closer this time and there were many
they surrounded him and in that final moment
a great light vanquished them all into a dissipating, defeated hissing

ok, the fire is now burning.. it's bearing light for mr. noodles
johnny turned round with great relief and saw the flames roaring triumphantly
it looks like a fiery red dragon!
yes it does, it looks like a lord of phosphorus
now gather close and i will tell you a ghost story
a ghost story?
yes, mr. noodles favorite ghost story
mr. noodles favorite ghost story?
shh, eat your blue raspberry screwball and just listen

Mr. Noodles Favorite Ghost Story

ok you'll probably relate to this story.. it's about a paper boy just like you
one morning a young boy named jimmy went out to deliver papers and then he disappeared
no one knows where he went and they never found out what happened to him.. but, those who know, know
jimmy ended up in the back of a limousine and was delivered to a masonic lodge in the middle of the night

they placed jimmy inside of an animal carcass
he could see through the mouth of the carcass and what he saw was beyond hell
jimmy saw little boys and girls with all of their bones broken hanging from hooks
some of them had their limbs tied into knots but they were still alive and they were screaming

old men wearing only black robes entered the room and selected one of the children
they placed it onto a table and began masturbating into a hexagram
as this was happening, one of the men used a scalpel to cut the face of the child completely off
and then he wore it like a ghastly mask!
they began stabbing the child with long pointed needles in areas that would cause the slowest bleedout
this child must suffer for as long as possible.. it must remain in a state of absolute pain

jimmy watched in terror as they pulled the tongue completely out
each of the men took turns putting the tongue inside of their mouths
one by one they spoke in a language no one understood
they were speaking out the sigils formed by the broken bodies of the children hanging from the hooks
their twisted forms were an alphabet and they were reciting a spell to summon the chosen one

and so came he.. the chosen one came crawling out, entering the world at last
climbing out from the hole in the mouth.. slowly emerged a large fetid black fly.. the chosen one
its body was the size of a dreidel, its skin was an opalescent rainbow which it displayed with pride
it was fornicating as it rose, trembling in a disgusting and vulgar rhythmic manner

this caused the thymus of the child to erupt, splattering glandular fluids all over the chosen one
the fat black fly made clicking sounds that were soon joined by the sounds of small bones breaking
it shook its slimy wings against the lifeless lips
pressing its rear legs against the back of the throat for counterbalance
and as it exited the fleshly temple, it vomited forth a noxious yellow pus in voluminous amounts

the men gathered round with excitement and formed a six pointed star with their defiled crooked penises
from the star shone an ethereal glow, every color in the rainbow minus one.. and it was scintillating
and as they writhed in the child blood, tantalizing adrenalin and their own bodily filths
they each took turns wearing the childs face.. and johnny.. it looked just like your face! can you believe it?
it was as if you were staring directly into a mirror of your own self
and that's mr. noodles favorite ghost story

i don't like that story, mister
yes you do, you just need a spongebob ice cream pop to get into the spirit
we must sleep now, we have much work ahead of us

the moon looked down upon them as both fell into a long deep slumber
there were no sounds at all.. even the wind grew silent, as if waiting with quiet anticipation

Crossing The River Of Popsicle Sticks

when they woke it was still night even though it should have been day
they continued their ascent towards the burning light
as they climbed johnny could see the light growing brighter
they crept along ledges where one mistep would mean their demise, falling in chasms below

walking through steaming pale sickly mud
which released the disgusting odor of disease with each step they took
they finally arrived at the bank of the river.. a river that seemed made from an entire city's vomit
their only forward path was across the river but they had no means to reach the other side

here, we must bind these popsicle sticks into a raft
we also need some coins for good luck. do you have any coins?
i only have chuck e cheese tokens, mister.. will they be good enough?
yes, they will be good enough.. now we must place the chuck e cheese tokens into our mouths

go and fetch the largest, strongest branch you can find while i construct our vessel
ok mister.. but i'm scared and the smell here is so strong i think i am going to pass away
you won't pass away! not ever! don't be silly.. this is our atonement!

you only recognize the popsicle but not the popsicle bearer
the generating popsicle of life is shining down upon our popsicle sticks
even in this place! there are rivers which hinder the popsicle of the soul
and this may be one of them but defeat we will not accept
not when mr. noodles is waiting for us atop the mount
but before we can ascend the mount we must prove ourselves worthy

he continued building the raft of popsicle sticks with renewed vigor
johnny too felt a vital surge of regenerative power coursing through his entirety
he began walking along the rotting bank searching for the most proper branch
as he walked he noticed strange forms moving within the shadows.. shapes appeared as eyes within eyes
when he approached one of the eyes, its eye opened its eye

johnny could hear the eye inside his mind speaking riddles
it asked him did he understand he was misled by false interpretations that he was not intended to understand
but that he should imagine he understands although he does not understand what he does not understand

johnny did not understand that he did not understand what he did not understand
but he thanked the eye for its arcane wisdom and asked where he might find a proper branch
the eye stared at him intensely for many minutes but did not speak ever again
johnny shrugged and walked some more.. he found branches here and there, all of them weak, all of them flimsy

he was about to abandon his search when something was seen out the corner of his eye
a proud worthy branch stood erected in the mud like an obelisk.. it stood at an angle that mocked the heavens
he picked it up and struck the river with the branch, the river turned blood red, he knew this was the one
satisfied he had accomplished his task, he returned to the raft, branch in hand and a trickle of blood

gosh johnny, looks like you cut your thumb! you made covenant with the strongest branch, another good job!
but don't worry, just place that thumb against your neck and drag it from one side to the other

johnny did as he was instructed, the streak of blood left made it appear as if his throat was cut ear to ear
that's better.. now you have your very own point within a circle.. you deserve a jolly rancher!
but now you'll have to wear a blindfold so put this one on
do you have the coin in your mouth? ok, here we come mr. noodles!

they launched the raft made of popsicle sticks with a mighty push against the rotten bank
together they navigated the river in complete darkness, a barely perceived corona glowed from their heads
each new push of the proper branch was like stirring a cauldron filled with hospital waste
the sound of bowels and gasses releasing was constant and horrible and the stench was blinding
johnny leaned over the side of the popsicle raft and threw up all the fudgesicles he ate earlier
making room for more? hehe! as below, coming back up! don't worry.. we're almost there

mr. noodles can probably hear us by now, his little legs will be dancing! oh poor mr. noodles!
he'll be jumping and jumping so high that there will be moments where we make direct sustained eye contact
and in that perfect moment we will be eye to eye together, at the same height in a moment of infinity

johnny heard what he was saying but his words were in slow motion and sounded backwards
and just as they reached the adjacent riverbank, johnny lost consciousness and fell into an even deeper darkness

The Descent Of Mr. Noodles

johnny awoke and when he looked up to the sky he felt a sudden vertigo as if he were staring downward into an abyss
he noticed it how cold it had become, he was freezing.. his entire body was shaking
here, have some gobstoppers, it's starting to snow
i know you're cold but don't worry, soon mr. noodles will be warming your heart!

they walked towards the radiant light which now stood upon a hill set at the very peak of the black rock
it's getting colder, mister.. how much further?
oh, not much further now.. look! the light!
it's much closer now than it was mere moments ago

i can see glorious rays coming from the light.. do you see it?
it looks like a solitary cabin immersed in the icy fogs
he must be there.. he must be!

they walked further along a winding concentric pathway, moving closer and closer with each passing ring
sheets of ice had formed like walls along the path, transforming it into a labyrinth of opaque glass

johnny noticed there were the disconsolate shades within the ice
but the frost congealed his eyelids with frozen tears, locking them up again
as they trudged forward in slow circles, like snakes methodically climbing a pole, the winds howled around them

at long last, breathless from their endless ascent, chilled by the darkness and the cold
concealed within a curtain of night that knew no day, they reached the cabin
a grand lodge with a solitary light shining from a lone window

they walked along the frozen gateway towards the only door
candles that had been hanged from branches of dead trees slowly swayed in the winds
casting shadows that would skitter like mice in every direction along the walk

as they approached they saw a gilded knocker set upon the door
it was made from brass and forged into the shape of an owls' eye
look closely, there is a hole in the eye

can you look through the owls eye and see if mr. noodles is there?
i cant do it because what if he isnt there?
if he isnt there i just couldn't deal with it.. not again.. poor mr. noodles

no, i just can't bring myself to do it, but you could, i believe in you and so does mr. noodles
both of us believe that you are the one who should look into the hole, so you really should do it
mr. noodles would be so disappointed if you didn't
and you just might find yourself staring directly into his eyes if you do

imagine how wonderful that would be!
his eyes might be down there waiting for your eyes to see his eyes
his eyes, shining in the dark, so scared and alone, shivering and cold
his eyes would be smiling before they even saw you

smiling in the darkness! oh, wouldn't that be the most magical moment? come on... go and look
if you don't look you might have to live with never having known what was there, just do it, it's so easy
what if mr. noodles is in there? then we'd all have to live with your decision and i don't know if i can do that.. can you?

johnny stood as tall as he could, his entire being shuddered as looked into the hole in the eye.. he saw nothing
he opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was sparks and steel as an axe slammed into the back of his head
his final vision was of christmas lights as his eyes went dead forever..

he chopped and chopped until johnny was only the pieces of a broken jackolantern
a hissing sound resonated from the cranium.. the sound of angered snakes
one final chop and johnny's brains spilled everywhere with clouds of steam

scooping them up in handfuls, he shovelled them into his mouth
swallowing he could still taste the popsicles in johnny's thoughts
with axe in hand he crossed through the doorway
all of johnny's memories dribbled down his shiny wet throat as he mumbled

mr. noodles.. is that you? don't be afraid
come out from the corner.. no?
then i will come to you mr. noodles
let me join you in the corner

we'll both make ourselves as tiny as we can
so tiny in the corner, tiny in the corner.. what fun!
oh, there you are, where'd you go? there you are! hehe!
oh mr. noodles it's so good to see you.. we're so tiny.. we're so tiny