Betamax Sluts "Popping The Bubble Wrap" (2015)

Produced by Randy Prozac

A Little Debbie

the pills were wearing off during my abortion
and all they gave me was a little debbie
i'm an abortion, my dreams are abortions
and i'm crawling inside of them
i'm inside someone's body and i can't breathe
there are other people inside of here too
and i'm suffocating in the guts
i always use a ruler to draw circles
and i took the kalms but they made it worse
and it won't stop and i'm just exhausted
i can't lose my scholarship! i can't lose my scholarship!
my thoughts are racing but my mind is moving so slowly
and i can feel every nerve under my scalp
crawling across my skull like electric spaghetti screaming
screaming in agony as their last shred of hope is completely annihilated forever
i obsess about my dog, i can't leave him at home, he'll pee in my shoes
i played with the padlock so many times, so many times
i have to shake the one leg
the same amount of times as the other leg
or i'll start crying again
and then i'll shake uncontrollably and scare the dog
and then he'll pee all over everything
and i'll never get the dog pee out of the pantyhose
and then everyone in the world will hate me
i'm surrounded by people that hate me
and i think i'm gonna pass out again
i need to make more affirmations, where's the sticky notes?
i keep them in the exact same place and they're not there!
i drink gallons of water and my mouth feels so dry
when i was younger i let the dog lick me down there
and i feel really bad about it
and i tried using instagram
but it keeps logging into my other social networking accounts
i try to make a list of affirmations
but i have to keep erasing them and starting again
i have to write them over and over again
because i don't want people to think i'm a slob
i can feel my tongue..
i can feel my tongue squirming around in my mouth like a worm
there's a worm in my mouth and it just tells lies and lies
and i wish i could just fast-forward it all and get it over with
there's amoebas crawling all over me
and i'm running out of rubber gloves
i wish i could just take my entire head apart like an appliance
and rinse each individual part with vinegar
the brain lock didn't help, nothing helps
hold on, i need to clean my teeth again
i need to clean them every 500 words
oh god, the dog peed on the hardwood
i went to a restaurant and i couldn't eat the food
because the waiter touched it and now it's diseased
i put it in the microwave to try to kill the disease
but it didn't work and now i have a headache
and i feel like i'm dreaming
i got the costco hearing aids and now i feel sick
and i'm spacing out and snapchat fucked me up for life
and the abilify makes everything feel wet
but the effexor makes the surfaces feel peaceful again
and my mouth makes whiny puppy sounds
and it's so humiliating because i sound like a clown
and everybody is laughing at me in their heads
i can feel a pseudo-seizure coming.. !

Soggy Froot Loops

my brain feels like a bowl of soggy froot loops
and the saline nasal spray makes everything smell like dirty band-aids
i want to throw up my brains, i want to vomit my brains
oh no, the dog is licking the floor again
and i've been constipated for months
and i can't sit down and my vision keeps changing
and i'm having difficulty swallowing
and i can't feel my arms when i wake up
and i need to keep moving
and everything is tingling
and i'm hearing voices
and i have no emotions that are my own
and nothing keeps me entertained
i have to chew my food equally on both sides of my mouth
and i count my teeth with my tongue
twenty times clockwise
and 20 times counter-clockwise
until it gives me a headache
when i cut an apple into pieces
they have to be perfectly aligned to each other in a fixed position
then i eat them numerically and i use my whole head to chew
and i hear voices in the other room
and if one of my ears gets touched
i absolutely have to have the other ear touched
just so it evens out
if it evens out, i'm fine.. and then it's like nothing ever happened
when i clip my nails that entire day is a write-off, just forget about it
if i see a crumb on the carpet i can't concentrate on the tv
when i watch csi, i continually remind myself that i'm watching csi
if i'm in the mall, or anywhere that the flooring is tiled
i make sure i walk in each square and not touch the lines
if i step on a line i get paranoid
and i have to go back and start all over again
i have to count each pixel, i clean the mouse, i can't stand itunes
i pull my hairs out one-by-one
when i look in the mirror, all i see is a short, fat 12-year old
and i always have to go to the bathroom
when i masturbate and it goes nowhere
and i'm obsessed with chlorine
when i make eye contact i have to move my eyes in circles
then i have to bisect the circles with one perfect linear eye movement
and i always get it wrong and i have to do it over and over until my eyes hurt
i think i left a tampon inside me and i can't find it anywhere
and i want my belly button removed
and i need tranquilizers
and i'm horrified..
the positive poetry doesn't do shit
and i'm sexually attracted to prime numbers
3, 5, 7, 9, 11
even saying that makes me get really turned on
and i spend too much time on the toilet for no reason
and i see gas particles colliding in the air
and today i was eating a burger and i thought i was eating fries
and when i was eating my "fries", i thought i should be eating my burger
even though i was already eating my burger
and i made eye contact in the mirror with my dog
and i feel so ashamed
and when i sleep i hear a baby screaming and crying
and then i wake up and realize that it was me
then i sterilized the screwdriver
and take zantac's before bed and abilify in the morning
and alternate between tetris and masturbation
and my eyes keep blinking
they're blinking and blinking like a clown
a mentally retarded clown with blinking eyes
i used a stopwatch and it was hopeless, worthless
i'm a worthless abortion and how am i supposed to go shopping like this?
the handbag is in five different colors
and they know i have to buy each color
and they always do this to me
and i jiggle the door handle
and i jiggle the door handle
and i want to stab myself in the head
and now i'm crying again and i can't stop crying

Popping The Bubble Wrap

i look like a penis trying to run
and i have to force myself
not to peel other people's sunburns
and if anything touches the counter, i won't eat it
and don't get me started on cups and glasses
and i see flies everywhere
out of the corners of my eyes
and my nerves feel like steel wool in a microwave oven
and i think i'm going blind in one eye
and my swiffer smells like dog piss
and my gag reflex is triggering
and my whole body starts shutting down
if someone leaves the toilet seat up
i use oxy pads on everything
and i think i'm mentally handicapped
i just never realized it before
and someone called me a loser on the internet
and i can't get over it
and my eyes won't focus
and i have crazy eyes
when i hear the dog coughing
i feel like i'm gonna puke
and i check my social media sites all day long
and the internet has given me permanent psychosis
and i can't stop thinking about other people's lives
the internet is poisonous
and i hate my nipples
and my brain feels like it is wiggling around
when i move my head
and i can't think about my intestines or i'll throw up
oh good god! i have intestines..i have intestines!
and i think my house is haunted and it's cold in here
and i turn on the tv to trick my brain into leaving
and i have horrible everything
i have such an ugly punchable face
and i'm addicted to hairspray
and when i talk to people
i watch the shapes their tongues make
they aren't the one that's talking
it's the shapes that the tongues make
and the noise that comes out of the hole behind the teeth
it isn't them.. it's something.. it's some thing!
and there's no toilet paper
and i try to keep my eyes open as wide as i can
and i just hit the space-bar and backspace
3 times in a row, 5 times in a row
and i'm cleaning the bathroom
at 3am again and i'm so tired
and i'm having a brain aneurysm
and i keep hearing my mom telling me
where the penis goes when you sleep
and i post hundreds of the cutest puppies
and no one gives a shit
and i count the cheerios until i'm suicidal
and when i see blue skies i just want to kill myself
the sound of cellophane makes me want to claw my face off
and i get dizzy if i smell peanut butter
and door knobs have ruined my life
and right before i orgasm i have intrusive thoughts
about a man who murdered someone in my neighborhood
and i'm addicted to sleeping pills
and i ate three boxes of honey-buns
three times a day for three weeks straight
and i'm always thinking "what if?" .. "what if?"
shut up! shut up!
i don't shut my drawers if i'm thinking something bad
and if i have a bath i have to wash my hands after
and dry them on the towel
then wash them again after i touched the towel
and i can waste entire days like this
and if i drop something on the floor
i consider it gone forever
and i pull all the kleenex out of the box
just to verify them
where does the penis go?
shut up mom!
i have to go check the cupboards again
and i'm constantly clearing my throat
and it drives everyone crazy
and i can never get all the pee out
and i go through tweezers like no tomorrow
and i can't stop popping the bubble wrap
i carry bubble wrap with me everywhere i go
which is nowhere except back to bed
and i tried to drown my dog
in a large ziploc bag full of pineapple juice
and i said, "i'm so sorry! i'm so sorry!"
and now when he smells pineapple
he just lays on the linoleum and pretends he's dead.